Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
