remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
