I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
