You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
