i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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