Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
