im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
