I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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