having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
