There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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