At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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