I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
