btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
