Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
