No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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