I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
