Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
