i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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