He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
