I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
