What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
