Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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