I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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