well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
