As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
