I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
