I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
