hell yes lets make some ravioli
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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