Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
