I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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