My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
