yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
