I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
