his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
