It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
