Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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