You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
