is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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