If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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