i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
they're like a gay fantastic four
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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