Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
