I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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