I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
