I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
