My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
