i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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