My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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