everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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