I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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