Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
