im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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