How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
