Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
