I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
