can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
