he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
