Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
