did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
