yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
