My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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